A Gift that says "I'm Angry"

 

Poetry can be used effectively to expunge a variety of emotions, including anger. Benedict has kindly given me permission to share the details of his son's murder.

 

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A Father's Revenge - I'm Angry

 

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Full Name:             Benedict James Bosch Sr.                                    

Who do you want the poem written for?: for myself and for my nephew Travis Jensen who killed my son

Why do you want the poem written ?: Because I'm so full of anger that all I can thing of is Revenge. I'm mad as hell.

Key Messages:          Total Revenge and hatred. I want anyone and everyone that should read it to know that I'm so mad that I can't even think straight anymore. I want them to know that I will never give up until I get JUSTICE for my son. I'm tired of hearing people say that he's sorry or that I should forgive him. Or that he has to live with it for the rest of his life. I also have to live with it daily. And he will never get my forgiveness.

Memorable Moments:     My son loved Snowboarding and skate boards.                 

Other Comments:        A FATHER's REVENGE
 
    My son was shot and killed last year on Dec 2000 by his cousin in their home (my sister's home) with a 12 Gauge shotgun. Some say it was an accident i think other. He was only 12 years old. He only got 2 years in a juvenile detention center for this. I am so ANGRY over all this that I can't even think straight no more. and all i want is REVENGE.
I want nothing but REVENGE and how this kid will not be able to walk the streets without wondering what i will or might do to him. I want no love in it unless its for my son. I want total hatred for my nephew not an ounce of forgiveness. EVER.
 
Style:                 SAD, REVENGE, Total Anger                                   

Package Type:          Standard                                                    

Last thoughts:        

 

Friday, January 5, 2001
            Teen faces charge in boy's death
            VIRGINIA GRANTIER, Bismarck Tribune

            The 16-year-old boy who called police Saturday to report that a
            12-year-old boy had shot himself was arrested Wednesday in
            connection with the death.
            Lannon Serrano, director of juvenile court, said Thursday that a
            petition will be filed, probably today, charging the teen with
            manslaughter in the death of Benedict Bosch Jr.
            Details weren't available on what authorities suspect may have
            happened.
            When officers arrived at the scene Saturday night, Bosch was dead of
            a shotgun wound to the head, Bismarck Police Lt. Nick Sevart said in
            a past interview.
            Police were told that Bosch had been sitting on the couch in the
            living room holding the 12-gauge shotgun when it just "goes off,"
            Sevart said. Three other juveniles were in the room, watching
            television, when it happened, he said.
            Sevart said the police report indicated there were no adults in the
            Bismarck home at the time of the shooting, and police were told the
            gun was out because "apparently they were going to do some hunting
            the next day."
            The 16-year-old sent the two other juveniles into another room and
            then called police.
            Thursday, a South Central District judge ruled that instead of being
            released to his parents, the teen will remain in a youth detention
            facility.
            "Mainly to protect him, probably, in his situation -- to make sure
            he's going to appear for further appearances," Serrano said.
            "Someone in this kind of situation needs supervision, could be
            suicidal."
            At a future hearing, a judge will decide whether the case will stay
            in juvenile court or be moved to adult court.
            State's Attorney Richard Riha said he could not comment on the case.
            But to explain, in general terms, what the charge of manslaughter
            means, Riha said that manslaughter is "recklessly causing the death
            of another human being." To compare: "Murder is intentionally
            causing the death of another human being."
 

Saturday, January 6, 2001
            Manslaughter charge filed in shooting
            VIRGINIA GRANTIER, Bismarck Tribune

            A manslaughter charged has been filed against a Bismarck
            16-year-old.
            The teen reported to police Saturday night that a 12-year-old boy
            had shot himself. But on Wednesday, police arrested the teen in
            connection with the death of Benedict Bosch Jr.
            Details weren't available on what authorities suspect may have
            happened.
            Police were told Saturday that Bosch Jr. was holding a 12-gauge
            shotgun and it just "goes off," said Police Lt. Nick Sevart in a
            past interview. Bosch was sitting on a couch in the living room
            where he and three other juveniles were watching television, police
            were told.
            A South Central District judge ruled Thursday that the 16-year-old
            will remain in a detention center, instead of being released to his
            parents.
            At a future hearing, a judge will decide whether the case will stay
            in juvenile court or be moved to adult court.
 

Saturday, January 13, 2001
            Family grieves for 12 year old
            VIRGINIA GRANTIER, Bismarck Tribune

            Benedict Bosch Sr. designed a home for his family, had just moved in
            -- into this grand, imposing white house on a north Bismarck hill.
            It looks unmarred, perfect outside.
            And perfect inside, until you look into his shell-shocked eyes and
            then that's all you see: A pain so deep, so desperate. So exhausted.
            Hopeless. Everything that was perfect has slipped away.
            He can't change that. He can't bring his son back.
            Bosch Sr., 39, and his wife, Naneth, 38, had three children until
            the evening of Dec. 30. Now they have two. Benedict Jr., 12, died
            that evening because of a shotgun blast that occurred while he was
            visiting in another Bismarck home. A 16-year-old has been charged
            with manslaughter.
            Police were initially told that Benedict Jr. had somehow shot
            himself with the 12-gauge shotgun while sitting in the living room
            with three other juveniles. But a couple days later, the 16-year-old
            -- who had called police for help after the shooting -- was
            arrested.
            A juvenile court spokesman said Thursday that the state's attorney's
            office has filed a petition to transfer the case to adult court.
            The seriousness of the charge is the main reason for asking for a
            transfer to adult court, said a state's attorney spokesman, who was
            talking in generalities, and not specifically about this case.
            The motion will be considered at a Jan. 17 hearing.
            Meanwhile, while life, and the courts, grind on, Benedict Sr. and
            Naneth can barely function.
            In the last several days, they've spent most of their time in
            Junior's bedroom, or staring at the walls, or staring at a picture
            of Junior that they blew up to poster size and have hanging on a
            main-floor wall.
            "I talk to him," said Bosch Sr, a recent military retiree. "I look
            at his picture and ask if he's OK, not lost somewhere."
            At night, in this house of many bedrooms, all of the family members
            are now all sleeping in one bedroom. Their daughters, ages 13 and
            14, find room on the bed, the floor sometimes, wherever. And so does
            the family dog, Tiny, who is noticeably sad and atypically
            unenergetic, Naneth said. Tiny's sleeping spot always had been with
            Junior on his bed.
            Bosch Sr. sometimes doesn't think he wants to go on. He blames
            himself for the death because Junior should have been home with him
            that Saturday. Junior was grounded until the following Wednesday,
            but Junior kept badgering dad to lift the grounding. And dad finally
            gave in.
            Bosch Sr.'s last memory of Junior is of Junior leaving the garage,
            all smiles, and saying, "Thanks, papa."
            The nightmare gets deeper, because there is tension between husband
            and wife.
            That's because Naneth can't help but blame him, too.
            Naneth said she never wanted to move to North Dakota and now, this.
            She doesn't think it would have happened in California.
            "I was with my son for 12 years and he didn't get in any accident,"
            she said.
            She said that a child in California isn't allowed even to touch a
            gun.
            She said she is thinking of moving back to San Diego and taking
            their two daughters with her.
            Bosch Sr. doesn't think he would move back to California, a place he
            left, ironically, in part because of crime -- the nearby drive-by
            shootings and robberies not far from their home. He thought the
            family would be safer in North Dakota, where he grew up.
            He is struggling to even convince himself it's worth going on.
            "It's like everything I tried to do means nothing," he said.
            He hasn't had the energy to work on his wife's car, it won't start,
            or deal with bills, the choosing of a headstone and so on. But he
            has had the energy to take some action. He said he wants something
            badly, now.
            Change.
            Bosch Sr. has already sent e-mails to the governor, Sen. Kent
            Conrad, D-N.D., and others. He wants tougher gun laws in North
            Dakota.
            Right now, it's OK to have a loaded gun sitting on your coffee
            table.
            "There aren't any statutes governing the handling of firearms in the
            home," said Burleigh County State's Attorney Richard Riha.
            "If I had known there was a loaded gun in that house, he would never
            have gone over there," Bosch Sr. said.
            Bosch Sr. wants laws that will prevent juveniles from having access
            to loaded guns in a household.
            If the gun hadn't been loaded, "this wouldn't have happened," he
            said.


 
A Father's Revenge

 

They say revenge can be so sweet,

but I know the bitter after taste,

maybe it's better to swallow my anger,

rather than regret actions made in haste.

 

But I have a living hatred for you,

it's an anger that burns deep inside.

Do you know that I've cried me that river?

And then again, I've cried and cried.

 

I don't care what the judge and jury said,

your judgment day will surely come,

maybe you need to sleep with one eye open,

and keep looking over your shoulder, old chum.

 

You see, people have told me to forgive you,

but you killed Junior and he meant everything to me,

and now I'm all washed up,

but out to drift and all at sea.

 

I'm so angry and so mad,

I just can't think straight anymore,

and I'll never again rest easy,

until I've evened up the score.

 

I'm tired of hearing people say that you're sorry,

or that you're going to live with this forever,

simply put; if it wasn't for you,

me and Junior would still be together.

 

They say everything for a reason,

or at least that's what gets taught,

but I've tried adding up the logic,

and still today it comes to naught.

 

I guess you're pretty pleased with yourself,

two years easy in a juvenile,

two years for taking a life,

I wish the irony could make me smile.

 

Don't ask me for my forgiveness,

because you've turned my heart to stone,

I've never felt so desperate,

I've never felt so utterly alone.

 

And we'll always be connected,

Junior will always be our common thread,

and I sincerely hope that one day,

I can stop wishing that you were dead.

 

It says in the Bible,

that it should be an eye for an eye,

and if that is the case,

then I should kill you, you should die.

 

But two wrongs won't make a right,

and two deaths is just two too many,

so give me some reason to believe again,

because I have many reasons not to, and I mean many.

 

Because Junior's life would be wasted,

if all that's left is anger and hate,

but I'm still struggling to understand,

the very cruel twists and turns of fate.

 

So, I'm going to try and channel my anger,

for better, not for worse,

that way then some good may come of this,

then maybe, just maybe, I can lift this curse.

 

And I need a good reason,

not to hurt you straight away,

so you need to make it your life's mission,

to honor Junior's memory some day.

 

Because, (and don't underestimate a father's love,

or the genuine hate that I feel for you),

I need some sense of hope,

because I'm struggling to make it through.

 

And I'm going to try and change some laws,

so this just doesn't happen again,

and I'm going to start my life once more,

start it soon, sometime when.

 

Copyright Allen Jesson :) 2002

www.agiftofpoetry.com

 

Benedict kindly replied:

You may publish this poem just as it is or any way you see fit. You DO NOT have to change the names or anything.

I like this poem. It says everything that I've been thinking for months but couldn't put into words. Once again Thank You. Its perfect. There isn't anything that I can see that needs changing. You have a OUTSTANDING talent there. I now know where to come when I or someone else may need a poem written.

The choice of quality paper I'll just let you pick. What ever you pick is good enough for me.

Yes you can autograph the poem and Yes I would like the original handwritten draft. That would be nice.

 

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